22

Brian:
Did I hear you right?
Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

Brian:
I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Brian & Delta:
Bruise and battered by your words
Days are shattered, now it hurts
Brian:
Oh, haven't I always loved you?

Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

Brian & Delta:
Bruise and battered by your words
dazed and shattered, now it hurts
Brian:
Haven't I always loved you?

Delta:
But when I need you
You're almost here
Brian:
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you
Delta:
And when I hold you
You're almost here
Brian:
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted

Brian & Delta:
And now I'm with you
I'm close to tears
Brian:
Cause I know I'm almost here

Brian & Delta:
Only almost here

i never asked for anything in return. i just needed him to know how i felt for him coz it was becoming too much of a burden for me to keep to myself.

turned out, he also liked me. so he decided to be intimate. we had one small kiss. then another. our kisses got longer and more intense. then one day, he said he wanted more. he asked me if i wanted more. of course i did. i said yes.

at first glance it looked mutual. but he never went through. no reasons. i asked but he never gave an answer. well, at first he did. he said he did not want to ruin our friendship. huh? why did he offer it in the first place?

but i really like him. so i played along. whenever he wanted to be with me, i went. and there was a time when i felt really close to him. i thought he was into me as i was into him. he would hold me, look so sweetly at me, tell me flattering words.

but he was never consistent. he would do these things then just so suddenly leave me hanging. and when i get upset he insisted that i was being impulsive.

right now i hate him. i don't want him. i want to stay away. but i know that, like before, i'd fall again. it will only take one call and i'd come. i know it's going to be stupid of me to go back to that routine, but i like him so much not to open myself to possibilities.

i am lost. do i protect myself from getting humiliated again? or is he worth all this?

Happiest day ever!

My Mom went to our place and surprised me on my birthday! She brought food, of course, and stayed there the whole day. It meant a lot to me coz she lives sooooo far from us and she made that extra effort to come on my birthday and make it rrrrreaaaaaalllllyyyyy special! She mentioned she kept on thinking about me the night before my birthday, and I just didn't tell her, but I was awfully sad that night. Was constantly thinking about what I really want in life, what I am in, what I want to happen, what can't happen, the things I should and should not do. They just kept filling my head and I couldn't rest my mind. Guess the mother-child connection shall always be there....

Then my aunt tried to contact me. She needed to tell me about my uncle's death. I was touched that she tried to reach me about this, coz she and I have not been speaking for a very long time. So I gave her a call and she greeted me, told me the details, and we eventually patched things up. Love....Peace - what great gifts!

There are days when I feel so down that I just want to fade away. But that day, I am just so glad I kept on holding on. :-)