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Back in college, I wrote a thesis about the innate differences betweeen the sexes - to unravel a fact and at the same time deepen my understanding of the inevitable battle of the sexes.

One of my references was John Gray's "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", a highly controversial book that earned the attention of thousands of Americans, while at the same time enraging some of those who have an extensive background of psychology and sociology. While these people may drive an important point, which is - the stress on the influence of a patriarchal society in molding men and women into having 2 very different roles, where the men dominate (being competitive by nature) and women make connections (being emotional in nature). They say, instead of admitting that both men and women are different by nature thus resulting to a biased and divided society, the book overlooked this reality and showed society as the root cause of the difference.

While they may have a point, and I agree that the book would have been more detailed and truthful if it included this, I still find the book very helpful in making people realize how different men and women are, and so allowing them to act, or react, in ways that would result to a more favorable outcome. Let me include here some of the points raised in the book:

* Men like to help women by fixing problems.
* Women like to help men by improving men.
* Men do not like women's attempt to improve them. They feel humiliated.
* Fixing problems for them is not what women want the most from men.
* When men are down, they want women's loving acceptance, not their criticism and unsolicited advice. Men want to be trusted and admired.
* When women are down, they like to talk about their problems. They want men to be sympathetic listeners, not necessarily offer solutions to their problems.
* Men are goal-oriented problems solvers.
* Women have a need to talk about their feelings. They need to be heard and understood. Instead of being busy figuring out how to solve their problems, men should show their acknowledgment vocally or through nodding and brief eye contact.
* Men talk to exchange information.
* Women talk to express feelings.
* Men need to be alone sometimes. Every now and then, especially when under stress, they need to retreat to their "cave" and do not want to be disturbed. Insisting on helping them before they are ready to emerge from the cave can feel like harassment.
* Women, under stress and in other times, like to seek out contact and make human connections.
* Naturally and cyclically, women's moods go though highs and lows.
* Men are often disconcerted by women's emotions.
* Women tend to use dramatic expressions such as "you ALWAYS forget" or "you NEVER listen to me". Men should not take those literally but sympathize with the sentiments they convey.
* Men and women, even when they speak the same words, may speak different languages.