22

I've been warned.

Right now I don't know what to feel, what to believe.

It started so well. I liked him, he liked me. We got close....and closer.

And now that he is leaving and there's not much time, he gives me an entirely different impression. I never imagined he is capable of being an aweful person. After everything. He even called me a friend. Friends never hurt each other - intentionally.

Now that I reached this point, I am swimming in a pool of varying emotions and beliefs.

- We were both into each other. It was wonderful. No regrets. He's just having a hard time reconciling the fact that he's leaving behind so much he's loved. It was wrong for me to demand his understanding at this time when he himself is wallowing in so much confusion.

-- He just took advantage of the fact that I like him. I was there. He's a pig. He'd eaten anything that comes his way. And now that I expressed my pain, he show me just what I am to him. Nothing - and even less.

--- He liked me. But was intimidated by me. So he never made a move. Then I made the move. We both got what we wanted. Then something happened along the way. Love comes and goes. I got hurt. He did not know how to handle the situation. He was just being honest and open. And I could'nt take all the honesty.

----It was ego. He took me in coz he liked the feeling of being liked. And I never loved him. It was the physical intimacy and the feeling of being admired. It was the illusion of romance. Even the excitement of doing something wrong. It was also a game for me. I just did not want to lose.

The emotions and thoughts just keep on coming. But the bottomline is, he did not treat me well. I never did anything that bad for him to treat me like that. A man, a friend, does not speak like that. He was unfair. He hurt me. And despite all that, I still wish we could be okay. I guess I really like him, or the thought of being with him. But this time, I will do what is logical and sane. No more risks. Definitely no more regrets. I'll just stay away. He said that's what he wanted right? So be it. But I bet he'll miss me. Whatever the denials, he'll miss having someone being there waiting for him. But I shouldn't care. And I won't. Not this time!