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i never asked for anything in return. i just needed him to know how i felt for him coz it was becoming too much of a burden for me to keep to myself.

turned out, he also liked me. so he decided to be intimate. we had one small kiss. then another. our kisses got longer and more intense. then one day, he said he wanted more. he asked me if i wanted more. of course i did. i said yes.

at first glance it looked mutual. but he never went through. no reasons. i asked but he never gave an answer. well, at first he did. he said he did not want to ruin our friendship. huh? why did he offer it in the first place?

but i really like him. so i played along. whenever he wanted to be with me, i went. and there was a time when i felt really close to him. i thought he was into me as i was into him. he would hold me, look so sweetly at me, tell me flattering words.

but he was never consistent. he would do these things then just so suddenly leave me hanging. and when i get upset he insisted that i was being impulsive.

right now i hate him. i don't want him. i want to stay away. but i know that, like before, i'd fall again. it will only take one call and i'd come. i know it's going to be stupid of me to go back to that routine, but i like him so much not to open myself to possibilities.

i am lost. do i protect myself from getting humiliated again? or is he worth all this?