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he came near. too near it made me melt. just a few inches away from a kiss. i wanted to go ahead. but i was scared. and so the moment ended without a kiss. embarrassment came in me. add frustration. but i did not want him to see me crushed. went ahead like nothing happened.

but i guess he really liked me. one stolen moment, he called and we kissed. unexpected. exciting. inspiring. wow... there was magic. no exaggeration, there really was.

then we kissed and got closer everytime we did. but we both know we cannot kiss forever, or even go beyond. that's what hurts.

but somehow we managed to try and think that we can, to the point that i believed in the illusion. and he played along. and eventually i asked when. of course, he said no. with a bunch of reasons and lies. he hurt me again.

i said a lot of bad things. i showed him how much it hurt. he tried to make me feel better. he couldn't. he let me alone. it hurt even more. then i finally told myself that being distant will only make things worse. i apologized forr what i said, asked to be friends, and we had a chance to talk.

it was hard. embarrassment, frustration, and the fear of hearing the rejection engulfed me while i was telling him how much i wanted him, how much i think he wants me, how much we want to be closer, how much i am willing to be there without expecting. he said he was a very lucky guy.

and i guess i can call myself lucky, too. he said he could play along with me. but he was scared that he might fall. he has liked me since the day i started liking him. he tried to be close for the longest time, but he never tried to be this close, just as i have always tried to watch from my distance. it felt good to know that he can see himself falling for me. it was tempting. can't we fall for each other with the expections? i know i can. but he is far mor sane than i am.

and so there it was. finally, i've understood the man that he is. not too bad. deserving of my admiration and respect. i'm not so happy with the ending but i guess this is the best and the farthest that i can get. no worries, he is still there. hopefully, still there when we are both ready to be for each other.

and i said i am no longer a romantic. did i just contradict myself? well, whatever. life goes on.... and hopefully ends with a smile!